Staying together
by orangeorlemons
Summary: Because they were cowards who run away when the truth becomes inconvenient. It's easy and less complicated that way. Or so they've led themselves to believe.SenRu


Easy

AN: The SD boys belong to Takehiko Inoue and whatever company he works for. I own nothing…at the moment.

Done under the influence of insomnia. Written originally on paper (yes, writing still happens on paper, though it's a tad harder; no spelling/grammar-checker), so…yeah.

Dedications to Star7 probably :) (Just because you're working so hard on that Romeo and Juliet gig :D )

Summary: Because they were cowards who run away when the truth becomes inconvenient. It's easy and less complicated that way. Or so they've led themselves to believe.

(Did you even get anything from that summary? I suck at summaries. Just read on please. Humor me)

For him, nothing in life was more ironic than admitting the fact that being away from the person you love was easier than being with them. It was true in their case. In fact, they were more sure about this fact than they were about their feelings for each other.

Two years into their relationship and they just had to break up. For them it was the only decision that they made together that made sense then. They had trouble keeping up with each other. And it didn't help in their case when the world seemed to be intent on keeping them apart: meddling parents, persistent ex's, and then the world again just because. At first they fought, but then came a point in time when they became tired of being the pin-up boys for the saying 'you and me against the world'.

Their break up was relatively peaceful. No shouting, no fighting, no tears, no blood. Just a simple 'This is it then', 'Yeah', and 'Well, goodbye then'. It wasn't dramatic like the usual break-ups on silver screen where both concerned party cried and cried and cried, walked off in different directions, backs to each other then glances back to the other at the last minute. No it was simple, with one part jumping to cab while the other walks away to the other direction just in time to escape the fumes of the cab. No glancing back or looking at the rear mirror. The only dramatic elements were probably the lingering touches and gazes and sighs before they parted. Just that. Nothing more, nothing less.

But because life was unimaginable for them without the other (though none of course, would admit that out loud) they still met up once in a while. It was at first coincidental meeting at places where they both had business to attend to but then it happened so many times that they have given up the pretense of the meetings being accidental. And though neither of them presented the idea, they met once or twice a month in random cafes. An arrangement they have both religiously adhered to for the past four years. They talked about random things, or rather Sendoh chattered idly with Rukawa nodding and 'Hn'-ing at opportune moments. Other times they'll just pass away the afternoon with Rukawa reading something and Sendoh making comments about the weather, how sweet the pastries in the café are, or just simply staring at Rukawa. It was these kind of situations that had them both thinking what in the world are their doing meeting up when the purpose of their break-up had clearly been to be away from each other, but somewhere along the shared gazes and the bit of contentment the afternoons offered, they stopped caring.

They still slept with each other once every month, but it was probably more because of bodily lust than anything else. Rukawa for his part didn't date nor was he an advocate of socializing (he was still as recluse as he was back in high school). Sendoh still stuck to his image of being a playboy, dating numerous models and socialites but never long enough to have slept with them, which was comforting to both of them, the thought that they were still each other's source of relief, but it didn't change the fact that that only complicated things.

They weren't dating as far as they were concerned. They broke up long ago and that was that; there's no point in convincing themselves of anything else. Should anybody asked either of them if they were together again, they'd outwardly deny the thought; Sendoh would laugh it off and at the person inquiring like as if it was the most insane idea ever while Rukawa would just glare at whoever asked till they dropped the matter. Because for them in the strictest sense, they weren't together, and weren't going to be.

'It's easier this way.'

Neither of them can remember who uttered those words the night they slept together for the first time since they broke up but no one denied the fact either. It was in fact easier. They weren't together so the world had nothing to break apart. They were both cowards, who ran away when the truth became inconvenient. It was easier this way when they both had nothing to do with each other lives.

But all it took to shatter the comfortable, intractable web that they have spun themselves in was an unexpected meeting in the middle of July. It was Sakuragi's wedding and both had realized a little too late that they both were in Sakuragi's circle of friends. It was the third time that they met that month and in an instant their religious twice a month meet-ups were broken and for the first time, they were at a loss. At first they were sharing glances at the table and the next moment they were at a room in the same hotel where the reception was held, moaning and panting, their clothes haphazardly thrown in random parts of the room. At some point in time, Sendoh's phone rang, blaring the ring tone set for his current girlfriend. Rukawa paused in the kiss but Sendoh just continued on. The second time it rang, Sendoh sent the phone flying across the room, as his teeth sunk into the whiteness of Rukawa's neck, leaving a mark.

When they met up the next month, the situation was so awkward that they both refused to speak. The silence stretch on for what seem to be an eternity till Sendoh got up and asked Rukawa if he was up for a walk in the beach. Rukawa merely nodded.

At the beach, none of them still spoke but neither seemed to be bothered. The sun was setting and the waves were crashing to the shore. They let the wind caressed their faces like they used too back when they were still together, back when things were simpler. Back when they were young and spared not a thought about the world.

'Is it really easier this way?' Sendoh asked without glancing at Rukawa. Rukawa didn't answer. The silence stretched on again. When darkness came, Sendoh merely stood up, took Rukawa's hand and walked him home. When they reached Rukawa's doorstep, just as he was about to leave, Rukawa wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed him.

And for the first time in years, they did it slowly and more than once in the night.

They met up again the next month after that. At the café, the first thing Sendoh said when Rukawa came was 'This maybe easier but it's not enough. Not for me'

Rukawa looked out at the window. 'It is for me'

'I didn't know you knew how to lie now.' Sendoh said.

Rukawa didn't respond.

'Look at me, Kaede.' It was the first time since they broke up that Sendoh used Rukawa's first name again. 'Look at me and tell me that this is how you really want things to become. Look me in the eyes and tell me that this is satisfying for you…Please Kaede'

For Rukawa's part, he wasn't sure if it was because of the plea or the fact that Sendoh called out to him using his name after years that caught him. He willed his eyes back to Sendoh and the moment their eyes locked, all the barriers and the lies that he entangled himself in just came tumbling down. One stare and he knew he just couldn't delude himself and lie anymore.

'Tell me what you want Kaede.'

'I don't want to meet up with you anymore.

He was silent for a moment. Sendoh's heart pounded in his chest. It was like that moment again when he knew that if he didn't do anything, Rukawa will walk out of his life again. But unlike that moment, this time, it was Rukawa who'll give the last words…not him. He shut his eyes, fighting back the tears he felt was coming.

And then unexpectedly, Rukawa took his hands.

'I want…I want to be able to see you everyday, wake up with you in the same bed, in the same house, do everything with you…just being with you, for real…again.'

'Stay with me, please' Rukawa added in a soft tone, he wasn't even sure if Sendoh heard him.

Sendoh merely smiled back, squeezed Rukawa's hand and pressed his lips unto Rukawa's in a chaste kiss.

Life wasn't easy, they both knew that. But when you have something in your hands that you didn't want to lose, you just had to work harder…

owari

AN: I know, I know, the ending sucks. Kill me now…sorry. I wasn't really sure how to end it. For a moment I was tempted on just leaving them be, but then I realized it would be a bit angsty if I did that so yeah, I just fluffed it up. Really sorry. If you want you could reread it again and just stop on that doing it slowly and more than once part. It was originally suppose to end there but what the heck. Reviews, comments, pointing out of grammatical errors are highly welcome. Please lay low on the bashing, should you have the urge to do so. So yeah, that's it.


End file.
